In the first place you need to know what it means for you personally, the one true love. Because this may be different for everyone. It is about finding someone with whom you can be happy with together for a long time. And that means that you first have to know what makes you, as a person, happy. You have to have a clear image of the points that are important for you in your life and your relationship. But stay realistic. No matter how much you love someone, your relationship will always know ups and downs. No body is perfect.
Alright, let us start with realistic expectations and a wish list. That is the first step in the process. But don't be to rigid about it either. Because research shows that finding the right partner is mostly an issue of feeling. You may want to select your partner rationally, meaning with your head, but in most cases you are selecting primarily with your heart.
You are basing your actions on certain feelings. You feel a connection. Maybe not immediately, but most relationships start with a certain feeling. This can be sympathy or having the same sense of humour. But it can also be pure attraction or a feeling of trust and recognition. In short: don't be attached to a rigid wish list. Because with this alone you will not find your one true love. There are multiple factors at play.
It is thus more important that you also know what is on your subconscious wish list. Because that determines why you feel attracted to someone. And that also explains that why someone that on paper is matching all the criteria, in reality does not really match with you. With selecting a possible partner, the subconscious wishes and criteria are thus determining. And so you have to dig deep into your own psyche and especially be honest to yourself. Research has shown that your subconscious mind, whilst looking for a relationship, is first looking for characteristics that feel trusted and recognised.
Scientists state that the relationship you have or had with your parents, is for the most part determinant for the choice that you make in the area of partner choice. Perhaps in your family, your mother was quite dominant and your father was mostly on the background. Possibly you were quite frustrated with this in your childhood, but it could also be that you choose a quiet partner. Or a bossy partner. Simply because it feels trusted, you have known this from childhood.
In this case the unconscious 'trusted feeling' is not that good for your decision making. It is a personality trait that you recognise with your heart, but for you as a person it may have bad consequences. Possibly it is the reason why your relationship will end in the long run. Our advise: open up for a new relationship but never trust your first feeling completely. Think why someone you just met, feels so trusted straight away. Think back to your family situation in the past.
Try to find out what the important values in a relationship are for you. And look back at the choices you have made in the past. You can learn a lot from them. Is there a certain pattern to be found? Maybe in this way you can find out why you haven't found your true love just yet. List the most noticeable character traits of your previous partners. What can you learn from them? Ask your friends what kind of person they would see you with and compare that to your own idea image of a partner. Do they match?
Many people, and maybe you included, are scared that they will never find the one true love. That fear can work in paralysing ways. Make sure that you are not constantly thinking about this. Even if you have known a few failed relationships. Or if you never had a serious relationship. Always stay positive and do not go into hibernation.
You have the best chances of meeting the one true love if you keep meeting new people. But it could also be that your one true love is already within your own social network! Because of circumstances you may have not 'discovered' him or her yet. And so be open for all of the people that you meet. Try to enjoy contact with everyone. And allow your search for the love of your life some time. It sometimes just takes a while before you find the one. But who is looking, will find. And then a whole new phase begins in your life.
But stay critical. If you think, know, feel that you have found the one true love, you will be on a pink cloud for a while. You will have to remain alert. Don't miss the signals. If you new partner has not introduced him or herself to the people that are important to him or her, something is wrong. Or if he or she never talks with you about the future. It can of course be a fear of attachment, but it can also mean that your love doesn't want a serious relationship.
It is, especially in the beginning of a relationship, not more that normal that you want to know everything of your partner. And the other way round, your new partner wants to know everything about you too. What you think, what you feel, what you want. Even if he or she is the more closed type that doesn't chat that easily. Then you have to feel the interest. It can also be shown in different gestures or actions. When you do not feel a personal interest, something may be wrong and you have to have a hard think about the future.
If it is truly the one true love, then it is key to keep your soulmate close to you. To make sure that your love endures, as long as possible. But the fact is also that true love will change as the years go by. When you just know each other and you are building the relationship, you in general will feel euphoric and totally in love. That feeling is caused by certain chemicals, and those chemicals will slowly disappear. You can't help this, this is they way nature designed it for you.
Being constantly in love is something that nobody can keep up with. That just costs too much energy. Only after the enervating and intensive period of being in love, it will prove whether you can transition into a durable relationship. And that requires a lot of hard work, even if you have found your true love. Research shows that trust is the most important factor that will ensure that your relationship holds. And that trust has to be mutual of course.
