Fear of intimacy, what now?

Fear of intimacy, what is that?

When we are talking about fear of intimacy, we are talking about the fear of intimacy in the long run. You are scared to attach to someone. We can make a distinction here. You namely have people that are scared that others come too close in the first place. It is then important that you dare to be vulnerable and show others what is going on inside you. It is important to show what hurts you and you dare to watch how the other reacts to this. You can let this reaction come in and then you go on to the second aspect.
When you have made the first step, then you often want to run away when you are suffering from fear of intimacy. It is an art not to do this and this is often an obstacle of many people with the fear of intimacy. They dare to do the first, but the second is often too much and then they want to run away. Have the courage to connect to people again and talk about what went on inside you. Often there are many thoughts running through someones mind who has the fear of intimacy. What does the other think of me? How does the other look at me? How does the other react to me? All are unanswered questions, but the answer will only come when you dare to talk to the other. With the fear of intimacy this is often difficult and it is a whole learning process to deal with this.

Expressing fear of intimacy

When there is the fear of intimacy, people often do not want to express this and go into survival mode. They think that they can do it alone and will close off from other people. They do not have the courage to attach themselves to others and when people come too close they will reject them. It can be that this happens unconsciously, but regarding people that have the fear of intimacy this is something which happens automatically. They can not foresee the consequences and it is then an automatic reaction.
Talking about the fear of intimacy is not so easy for them and they would not quickly bring it up. It is also important that others respect people with with the fear of intimacy and look into how they can help someone.

Consequences of the fear of intimacy

Having fear of intimacy can have consequences for the one that is suffering from it. You can then live a lonely life and miss out on relationships with others. Sometimes you will think that you can handle everything easily alone. But it is also nice to have people around you to talk to or call them if you want to do something fun. In a relationship the fear of intimacy also has consequences. The chances are big that you will grow into separate directions of life and that you will get into emotional problems together. When your friend is looking for connection, the chances are that someone with a fear of intimacy will start to reject the other. It is therefore important to talk about it together, so that you can do something about it together.

Tips for fear of intimacy

There are a few things that you can do about your situation when you are struggling with fear of intimacy:

• Tell others about your fear of intimacy and admit that you have it. Some people have no idea what it can mean for you, but by talking about it, they can gain understanding for the situation and get why you act in a certain way in different situations. 
• Make the decision to become more decisive. It can become a habit when you do not take any decisions. Making a decision means that you are binding to something, and with the fear of intimacy, fear of attachment, this is the problem. Make sure that you start making small decisions and learn in this way how to make choices. 
• Fantasize that your fear of attachment disappears. How would that feel and how would that improve your future? It will give you loads of freedom and also many benefits if this fear would be gone. Physically and mentally you will improve and you can again start a healthy relationship. You will see straight away how wonderful it is to be able to share everything together and build relationships with others. You also notice how many people care about you, because you allow them to come in. See what is holding you back from making that step to get rid of your fear of intimacy. You can do this step by step and there are many people that can help you with this. But you are the one who has to make the first step! You can do it and you can quickly get rid of your fear of intimacy.
• You should never say forever. You can make agreements, but the word 'forever' is something that binds you for eternity. This could scare you and therefore it is a good idea to maybe not use this word. Make small decisions and be proud of yourself for having made a choice.
• Read a lot about the fear of intimacy and search for people who have the same, so that you can exchange experiences together and know what is going on inside you. By talking about it with others, you are looking for recognition but you can also be a support for each other. You are namely looking at how others are dealing with it and this will give you insights and new ideas to handle the fear. Make sure you act and help each other in a good way. You can also find buddies online and you do not have to get into a relationship with them, you are simply looking for support and talk together. Through the internet is also very easy. This can be the first step for you to get rid of your fear of intimacy. 

Find out what the fear of intimacy can do to others. There are people that have written books about it and they can give you a good image about feelings and thoughts. The chances are that you can find yourself in the other person and will give you clarity about the fears that you have had yourself. Dare to talk about it, learn to deal with it. Together with others you can learn how to deal with it.