One of the most important "keys" to a good marriage is good communication. Make sure that you talk together instead of just talking 'to' each other. Discuss what is keeping your mind occupied, what you like and also what is bothering you.
Is something bothering you in your marriage? Try to always talk about it with your partner. Your partner is just not really a mindreader and is therefore probably not even aware of what is bothering you. By communicating, your partner can keep these things in mind and you prevent those small irritations becoming big irritations. The talk itself can already have the effect that you can feel a big release of expressing what is bothering you, and so it can be quite positive without the situation actually having changed yet.
Good communication is only achieved when you authentically try to understand each other. Therefore try to place yourself in the shoes of your partners and try to imagine their feelings. Notice that what is maybe not even worth mentioning for you, can mean a lot to another person. Your partner might attach a lot of value to something of which you do not think is worth mentioning, your partner might feel hurt because of something that you might see as a joke. Try to bring up compassion and understanding for this, so that your partner feels heard and respected.
You and your partner are two unique persons with all kinds of differences. Different interests, different personality traits and different strong and weak points. Accept these differences, or even better, embrace them. Your different qualities can bring about complementarity between the two. When you would both be exactly the same, the marriage would probably be super boring!
Did a fight between you occur? Then always try to talk about it and solve the situation. Sometimes this can be done straight after the argument, sometimes it is better to both cool down and let the situation sink in. However, don't wait too long for this conversation to happen. In the mean time negative thoughts can come up and you would like to prevent these. Find a peaceful moment, in which both of you take your time to listen to the other's side of the story. Try to also find solutions for possible problems where you will both agree on.
At all times make sure that you avoid a power struggle between you and your partner. It is not always about who is right or who handled the situation better. That you are right (or think you are right) does not always mean that you have to get the others confirmation on this. Often you are both right, but you are just looking from a different point of view at the situation. It is about working together to come out happy on the other end, together.
Therefore try to never see your partner as your opponent, but as your team member. You both have a common goal after all, a good marriage.
Your partner is not perfect, so accept certain shortcomings and realise that you also have shortcomings . Of course, certain behaviour is unacceptable and you are allowed to demand for this to change, but if it is about small and innocent behaviours, then you are better off accepting these shortcomings.
Do not look at what you believe the other person lacks, but focus yourself on the qualities of your partner. In times of arguments this may seem difficult, but remember why you chose for your partner. The chances are that small things that seemed to be super irritating, after a while you don't even notice them anymore.
Compliments will uplift anyones' mood. Try therefore to regularly give your partner a compliment. Do not forget to vary and also give compliments for little things. Try also to give compliments with a little more depth, so not simply 'you are beautiful' or 'the food was delicious'. There is nothing wrong with these kind of compliments of course, but also try to express your appreciation about a positive personality trait or the way in which your partner handled a certain situation.
Humour is one of the characteristics that many happy couples know. Laugh together, even in difficult times. Humour makes many issues feel a lot lighter, uplifts your mood and makes you energetic.
Do you want a good marriage? Then you need to make time free for this. Spending time with your partner, without all kinds of distractions. A common hobby can be a good thing to have, but this is not necessary. It is not so much about the activity that you are undertaking, but more about the time and attention that you give each other. An evening at home on the couch can be just as fun as an expensive night out. So turn of your phone for a while and enjoy each other to the fullest. Turning off your phone will prevent distraction (and irritations!).
How nice and important it is to spend time together, it is also necessary to give each other space. Constantly sticking together is not healthy and leads to irritations. Missing each other from time to time can actually have a positive effect on your relationship and ensures that you will appreciate each other more. Therefore let each other go and be free and do your own things that you like from time to time.
Your partner needs to be the number one person to whom you can tell your secrets, whom you know your secrets are safe with. Therefore never discuss the private issues of your partner with others, unless you are a 100% sure that your partner is okay with this.
Trust is crucial in every relationship. Therefore always be honest in your marriage. Damaged trust is namely hard to repair. If your partner once catches you with a lie, even if it is about something small, this can lead to a lot of doubt that can finally destroy your marriage. Thus avoid lies at all costs, even when a little lie seems to be the easiest solution.
Taking care of each other is important in a marriage. It shows that you love each other and it gives the other a wonderful feeling. All small things matter in this. Small gestures, such as making a cup of tea, getting a blanket or ironing a shirt, they can have a real positive effect, similarly to bigger gestures.
No marriage is perfect. Fairytale marriages only exist in.... fairytales. In every marriage you will find irritations, arguments and problems. Realise this beforehand, so that you are able to better deal with the imperfections of your marriage. Unrealistic expectations of a marriage that is always fun, will ensure that you will be disappointed quite quickly.
Also keep in mind the saying "the grass is always greener on the other side" and do not compare your marriage with couples that always appear to be happy. After all, you will never know what happens behind their front door.
